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feels strange and unsettling, its empty here and i love it, and yet i know i cant live here right now. i am in love with new places, new lives, i like starting with nothing and seeing what happens, i get restless easily, not in a way that i need a busy city, in the way that i need to have new lives often, and at the same time i love knowing minnesota is always here and always home. its funny i spent so much time telling kids i was from california when i was growing up, and it was only when i left i realized how much i am completely in love with all things minnesota, this place is one hundred percent wonderful, indescribable, i can't imagine world without it.

i am so happy here and i cant wait to be at camp, tonight i took a drive next to the lake by my house and all i could think was i wish i was on a dock! 

now i have to find all my friends and that is kind of stressfull, i think i have friends somewhere, how do i locate them in one week, i will have to learn, hmmm... i need to get a grip on life.

i am so happy my family is not crazy, they are only wonderful.

things that are making me happy

1. going home in 5 days
2. finished my paper
3. finished my take home final
4. end of school
5. camp!

i am busy like a bee, and i'm happy 

California Air Quality

Tired

eyes hurt

don't want to

sleep

lovely

angry

WHY?

Please

This Song Will Change Your LIfe

so i saw the shins last night, it really was wonderful, in my book pretty much indescribable, to describe the way i felt, though i might be able to do. all i wanted to do was dance and sing and laugh, and then lie down on the ground like i was going to make a snow angel and let the sound wash over me. and i wasn't even high, so i think that really speaks for itself, i was pleasantly surprised by the whole ordeal. i almost didn't get to go down to the dance floor because i got lost on the way there and ended up not getting there until 7:45 and the doors opened at 7:00, and all the wristbands for the dance floor had been given out, but i met a nice security guard and he gave me a wrist band and it ended up creating one of the best nights of my life so far.

Just jump out the window

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH,

these are my feelings at this moment, why is being a coed so hard, and why do you make it hard,

why are we never honest, 

Because it sucks, and you know it,

yeah it sounds great no more waiting around to see how everyone feels about you, but you know you don't really want that, you love the unhealthiness of sitting in your own festering fantasies.

we all do it fall in love and not even know the person, its really healthy, personally its the only way i fall in love, but now its not so funny, because i am actually making an effort and i have no idea what's going on! so i don't care come at me put me down, its ok i am made of tougher stuff, and you can't break me.

gosh i feel like i am back in jr. year, and just because, i will say it here, in the words of switchfoot, I am a concrete girl, well i feel so much more balanced now.... wow this really is helpful, and i hope your all enjoying my break down too.

what dead artist would you marry?

while the semester winds down i am finishing up one of my most enjoyable courses, art history. the whole thing makes me happy the professor is incredible he is just like your kindergarten teacher at story time. its like reading a really good book but you get to listen to this funny guy tell it in his own words so now i am getting a little disappointed that its almost over, but i thought i would put down my list of favorite artist (or ones i would be willing to marry) for posterity. i thought i would work from oldest to youngest and include my favorite piece.

1. Michelangelo, this one i think lingers from childhood when i read the agony and the ecstasy, i have identified with him ever since, also i think Pieta and David are just beautiful, i love the idea of freeing the work that is already in the marble. what i most like about Pieta is the way Michelangelo makes her such a young women, its like she is a lost little girl, not knowing what to do and yet she has such a strength about here she somehow becomes this stoic female figure that is so often not allowed to be. i also like the way he manipulated the size of Mary and Jesus to make it fit his idea rather then be confined by reality, the sign of a true artist.
2. David, i am not a huge fan of his ideas about women, but i am absolutely in love with the death of Marat, it's not so much the gruesome story around the painting but rather the serenity of the piece, Marat becomes the ultimate Christ like figure in my mind which makes David incredibly skillful.
3. Manet, my most beloved painter, i really can't change the way i feel about luncheon on the grass, it just blows my mind. the first thing that strikes me is the way the girl stares directly at me i am on the lawn, and then i am drawn in by the abstractness of the painting, its the first of its kind to not fit like all the others, the people stand off the background. to me this painting expresses everything i love about Manet, his disregard for the status quo, and his willingness to expose the parts of life that no one is willing to recognize.
4. the next is Cezanne, i am just in love with the idea of Cezanne, the way he paints and his ideas of painting enthrall me, i love the idea of painting life as you see it, at all points in time and i love that as long as he didn't sell it he would be continually working on his paintings. and i think i most connect with his work with color, to me of all the aspects of painting color is the part i love, they convey the most basic emotion. the paint of the canvas has a quality of warmth that i find hard to describe so you must just look 

i think i will have to finish here for now, but don't worry there is always room for a few more artist husbands.